Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Fine, Thanks

A quick run down of what I've been up to since last we...what exactly is our relationship, anyway?  Since I know you've all missed me terribly, here is a summary of my past week. 

Wednesday, January 12th:  Mother Nature dumped two feet of snow on Boston in less than 24 hours.  Needless to say I was fucking miserable.  Thankfully, the entire state of Massachusetts shut down to limit the casualties of idiots trying to drive anywhere.  Unthankfully (got to be a word), I needed the entire day to shovel out.  Started at 9:30 in the morning for the sole purpose of giving my stupid dog someplace other than our back hall to relieve himself. 

SideNote #1:  Do you think it's possible to train an animal to pee on a toilet?  He had to go so bad he didn't even go through his normal 'sniff, sniff, no this place won't do....yeah, here we go', ten minute morning dance.  He just lifted and went immediately.  This got me thinking if I plopped him on the toilet and told him 'Go Potty' (he actually understands that phrase) it might work.  At the very least, maybe the shower stall would do the trick.  As you can see, my mind gets creative when I'm trying to avoid manual labor. 

Anyway, I started shoveling the back stairs and walkway, got around to the front stairs (approximately 15 feet), managed to get the front walk up to the cars done when I realized I was exhausted.  My hands were shaking and I wasn't even a quarter of the way done. 

Took a coffee break (it's in my contract), ate something, went back out at 11:30.  At 2:30pm I had a conference call and I still hadn't made it to the street.  I was soaked, beat, on the verge of tears while recalling our trip to Grand Cayman seven months ago and now had to deal with stupid work people.  On the bright side there was still a full fledged blizzard going on outside my window. 

You may think I'm being sarcastic (and I was sort of), but one positive thing did come from the storm.  Halfway through my call the storm knocked out my internet and phone.  That's a shame.  I tried calling in again from my cell phone, but I was locked out.  Whatever.  It was boring anyway. 

At three I head back out to shovel after sending a text to the leader that I was incommunicado.  At this point the storm was winding down but had dumped 4 more inches where I had already shoveled.  Got that done again, finished up the rest realizing that I needed to finish soon or everything was going to freeze up and be impossible to move. 

Finish time was 5:30 that night.  I would estimate six full hours of shoveling to get things completely clear.  To put it another way, FUCK ME!

SideNote #2:  Interestingly enough, as soon as my phone/internet was knocked out a young man approaches me, calls me by name and says 'I'm here to offer you Verizon FIOS'.  When I asked if he had just intentionally interrupted my service to make his offer seem better, he laughed and denied doing so.  Still, that timing was odd.  When I next asked why he was walking door to door in a fucking blizzard, he told me he had seventy grand in student loans to pay off and figured today most people would be home from work.  Kid's got a future.  Needless to say, I signed up for FIOS internet and phone for less than I'm paying now and got a free wireless router.  Score!

SideNote #3:  There is some controversy in our city over the lack of FIOS as an option.  They're just bringing it into my neighborhood (hence the good price on the offer) but have been fighting to do so for years.  When I asked the Verizon dude what's taken them so long he told me our mayor is friends with one of the higher ups in Comcast.  'At least that's what the guy up the street told me'.  Our mayor sucks.  I've been joking that I'll put my name in to run against him, but it's becoming less of a joke the more I hear about him.  How funny would that be?  Me as mayor?

Thursday, January 13th:  Besides doubling as a recovery day for every muscle in my body, I managed to get to work despite a hellacious commute.  My normal 10 minute drive took me 35 and the trains were all running late.  Still, it was better than shoveling. 

Friday, January 14th:  Only half day of work due to the long weekend.  Got my drink on at exactly 3:30 in the afternoon.  I picked the boys up from school first, man.  Don't judge me. 

Saturday, January 15th:  Last minute call from friends resulted in a dinner out (sans kids), some serious Stella consumption and many laughs. 

SideNote #...uh...what number am I on?  4!!  SideNote #4:  Is there a more potentially disastrous situation than being with your significant other and realizing there is an entire bar full of hotties surrounding you?  I say no.  To make matters worse, the hostess of the place was a 12 out of a possible 10 and our waitress was a solid 8.  Somehow (honestly, I don't know how these things happen) I wound up talking to two good looking women in the seats behind us and deflecting comments from my wife's friend regarding my trend of chatting up other women.  She even brought up an age old story about a girl hitting on me with Wifey sitting right next to me.  I think she totally made this up as I don't remember it at all, but Wifey backed her up.  Still, they're women and I don't trust a thing they say.

Sunday, January 16th:  Prepped house for the certain Patriots victory that night.  Cleaned, bought booze, stacked beers in the snow to keep cold.....wait....

SideNote #5:  The sole (literally the one and only) good thing about winter is being able to store beers outside.  Since snow was two feet high on the back deck I stuck an entire case of beers into it one by one.  Just reach out, grab one and pull.  Didn't even have to bend over.  It was glorious!

....where was I?  Oh, right.  Friends came over and we watched the Pats worst case scenario unfold with mounting horror.  People talk about the muffed, fake punt or Brady's interception but I knew this game was lost when Crumpler dropped that sure touchdown pass in the first quarter.  Everyone in my house thought it was a touchdown.  We were celebrating and whooping it up until I looked back at the television and saw the Pats were running another offensive play. 

'What?  What happened?  A penalty?'

'No,' my ten year old answered, 'He dropped the pass.  You guys were too busy celebrating to see the replay.'

Everyone solemnly sat down and it was all downhill from there. 

SideNote #6:  Allow me three thoughts about this game:

1:  For the first time I can ever remember, Tom Brady played scared.  Maybe scared is too strong a term, but he was hesitant and antsy and looked all out of sorts.  Perhaps 'intimidated' is a better word. 

2:  The Patriot's have officially become the Indianapolis Colts.  Great regular season, great QB stats, great offense, questionable defense, looking like a power house for the entire season, only to fold when it really matters.  That was the most painful sentence I've ever written, but it's true. 

3:  Maybe Belichick should have let the Patriots talk trash back to the Jets.  The Jets certainly looked like the more confident team from the opening kick off and, let's be honest, it couldn't have ended any worse for the New England team.  Next time, let them talk back. 

Monday - Wednesday:  Work, work, sleep, sleep, gym. 

So we're basically caught up.  Pats suck, I'm stuck rooting for the lesser of two evils to get to the Super Bowl (still working that one out), and I have to go to New Hampshire for work tomorrow. 

Oh, and the weather mediums are predicting another foot of snow for Friday.  See you on the other side. 

Today's distraction:  Enjoy my latest addiction:  Gravitat.  Games make me happy. 


Clayton Bigsby said...

No one was open was Brady's problem. It's like he realized "oh wait, Woodhead, Welker and my TEs are purely a product of me being ridiculously good and cannot get open on their own. Revis has my best receiver covered, we're effed." That's what I took away from it anyway.

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BeachBum said...

Bigs, I agree, but when you get into Brady's head, that's quite an accomplishment. The Jets def did that with their coverage schemes. Esp after the INT, he played skittish until it was too late.

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Jum said...

That INT on that screen pass early changed EVERYTHING. Even though the Jets didn't get any points out of the drive, there was probably 10 points' worth of momentum switch right there.