Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Gift Wrapped

Another holiday season has come and gone; leaving me to pass along one piece of news.

I made it until midnight for the second year in a row!  As did the boys (aged 10 and 5) who thought they were in heaven.  I forgot how fun it was as a kid to stay up to usher in the New Year.  It isn't until late 20s when you realize that it could be the most over rated holiday of all time.  Well, second behind Valentine's Day.  At least NYE is a legitimate excuse to drink. 

Here are some nuggets from the past two weeks. 

-  We had Christmas Eve dinner at my sister in law's house where my the grandparents allowed the boys to open their gifts.  My youngest has been obsessed with trains lately so his grandmother picked up a cheap, battery operated train set.  I would estimate she spent between 15 and 20 dollars on the thing.  Well, you would have thought it was the greatest thing he had ever seen.  He unwraps the box, excitedly tells me what he got and declares 'This is the greatest Christmas EVER!' while marching the box around the house. 

-  He and my oldest also got a combined 6 Lego sets.  Oldest enjoys the new Halo War sets while youngest received 4 - count 'em FOUR - Iron Man 2 sets.  You know who puts these friggin' things together, right?  Yours truly.  I spent countless hours snapping Legos together during a week I was supposed to be enjoying my vacation.  I fairly sure those were invented to torture parents, not to entertain kids. 

-  Got Wifey the new ColorNOOK (spelled just like that, for some odd reason) and she has been playing with it for hours and hours.  It hooks into Facebook and has games and stuff so reading is the one thing she hasn't used it for.  Figures. 

-  Wifey got me the new Wii Active 2 - which is a virtual trainer that doubles as the biggest hint in Christmas history.  I've been kicking my own ass at the gym since mid December, so I figured I'll test it out and set it for an intense workout.  It starts off stretching you out, showing you how to do certain exercises and I'm thinking 'Meh, this might be too light weight for me'.  No sooner had the thought entered my head when the trainer says 'Ok, ready?' and kicks my ass for 20 solid minutes.  It won't replace the gym, but I was sore the next day and is going to be a great addition to my current workout.  It even has fun games sprinkled in (like mountain biking and sparring) that break up the routine.  Highly recommended if you're looking for something to get your ass off the couch during these cold winter months. 

-  Wifey and I also broke down and gave eldest a cell phone.  He's in love with the stupid thing even though we got it for free (shhhhhhhhh).  We also went to great lengths to act like Santa brought it only to find out he's had conversations with his buddies that Santa is code for 'parents'.  One down, one to go.  For the record he hasn't broached the subject with me and has been talking to his youngest like Santa is real, but he gives off the overly earnest vibe that makes me not believe him for one second. 

He also got his first lesson in giving out his cell phone number to anyone who asks when his cousin started texting him the day after Christmas and, when he didn't respond, kept after him.  Now, two things here.  First, he doesn't have a texting package on his phone so it's costing us every text he sends and receives.  Second, this cousin has said three words to him since they've been alive.  If that.  Even he was confused and told me 'Dad, she never talks to me.  Why is she texting me?'.  Welcome to cell phone ownership, my son. 

-  We also scored Celtic tickets for the entire family (for this Friday night...boo yeah) which will mark my youngest son's first foray into the New Gahhhhden.  His first question:  'Are we taking the train in?'  We are and he's more excited about that than the actual game. 

-  One of my coworkers introduced me to 'Pocket Coffee'.  If you are unfamiliar, it's a small piece of dark chocolate (which is good for your heart!) filled with a shot of espresso.  They're made in Italy and hard to find around here.  So imagine my surprise when I find a bag full of them by my office door.  It's the little things in life.

-  Some quick football thoughts:

1:  The Saints are fighting all sorts of history this weekend.  They've never won a road playoff game.  The only other two playoff teams with a .500 record or lower has won it's opening playoff game.  It's been nearly five years since a defending Super Bowl champ has won a playoff game.  And still the Saints should destroy this Seattle team. 

Prediction:  Brees is sitting the fourth quarter with the Saints up by 30. 

2:  Two teams I hate/fear the most (Jets and Colts) face each other.  My best case scenario is the Colts beating the Jets but Peyton Manning suffers a broken leg while completing the game winning touchdown with no time remaining. 

Prediction:  Jets win barely. 

3:  Baltimore's defense has been over rated for months now.  And if any team is going to expose them it will be Kansas City.  However, there is the Todd Haley factor to consider in that he has the best running game in the league, yet insists on passing in first and goal from the three yard line situations.  Maybe he's been saving himself for the playoffs?  You know...throwing everyone off the scent??  Maybe???

Prediction:  The Ravens pull off a last minute win by intercepting a Cassel pass and running 99 yards for a touchdown. 

4:  Packers versus Eagles is the game I'm super excited for.  Although I can't, for the life of me, figure out why everyone is still so high on the Packers.  They've done nothing to impress since mid season.  That Chicago win was U-G-L-Y - YOU UGLY!  They should put up some numbers, though.

Prediction:  Packers win a close one confusing everyone in Philly who thought Donovan McNabb was the problem. 

-  Movie review with spoilers.  If you haven't seen 'Splice' and don't want it ruined, skip this part. 

What - I thought - was supposed to be a horror flick is simply the most sexually bizarre movie I can ever remember.  Sarah Polley and Adrian Brody are a married, super smart couple who decide it's time to splice human DNA with something else (I think bird, but that's never made clear).  They create a little girl/freak hybrid that becomes the love of their life.  Brody's character is more resistant to this creation but has little problem boning his wife knowing full well a five year old girl/creature is watching from a nearby room.  He also has little problem boning that same girl later in the movie (she grows up fast) even though she has hooves for feet, can't talk, sprouts wings, and has the very real potential to rip his head off (for all they know about this thing) after mating is complete. 

But all that pales in comparison to when this girl creature abruptly turns into a male and rapes the Sarah Polley character near the end of the movie.  Since it's discovered Polley used her own DNA as part of the procedure, we have the first movie where a woman inadvertendly rapes herself.  How did 'Back To The Future' or 'TimeCop' miss that paradox?

To sum up, the married couple nail each other and each nail the creature they create.  Oh, and this movie sucked so bad thinking about how fucked up it is was the most entertaining part. 

-  I've got ten tickets for the 330 million dollar Mega Millions tonight.  If I show up at work tomorrow with a new Ferrari....oh who am I kidding?  I ain't coming to work if I win.  I'll be on the first flight to LA to see old friends and buy that 4 million diamond ring off Kobe's wife. 

-  Don't look now, but those 'firming' (aka ri-fucking-diculous looking sneakers) are in the middle of a lawsuit by women with still flabby asses.  They claim the sneakers do not tone.  No word if the women have been wearing them while sitting on the couch, eating nachos and watching 'The Biggest Loser' marathons.  They do know they have to 'walk' for them to work, right?

-  I'm super excited that we are seeing the end of the constant Brett Favre adulation/obsession only to hear there is yet another lawsuit regarding his time with the Jets.  How friggin' hard up is Favre, anyway?  Can't he just fly his wife in for a hummer?  Did he have a side bet going with Tiger?  The more we learn about BF the bigger a dick he appears to be. 

-  It's now January 4th and we still haven't had the national championship game.  Weren't these things decided on New Year's Day?  How is this farce still going on?

-  Lastly, Bill Buckner is returning to the Boston area to manage the Brockton Rox baseball team.  This is the local minor league team that constantly uses old school promotional gimmicks to get attention.  I still have their 'Grady Little' bobble arm in my office.  It's got the date and time stamped on it when Grady should have called for a left handed reliever rather than leaving Pedro in to face Matsui.  It's fantastic.  They even got around paying MLB licensing fees by having the jersey read Red Socks. 

Until next time.

Today's distraction:  Even dogs like shooting games.  Of all the aspects of this video that the parent keeps filming instead of trying to help his son is the most disturbing to me.  'ahahahahahah, look my kid's getting sexually assaulted by an animal.  Keep rolling!!'


Jum said...

Ohhh you summed up the cell phone situation to your son perfectly. Wait until girls get involved.

Todd Haley will do something to eff up the Chiefs this postseason. I'm obviously not in the locker room, so I don't know if he's a great motivator or anything like that, but as far as straight-up football goes, he is absolutely terrible. I'd bet a lot of money that sometime early in the game, he goes for a questionable 4th down to try and "set the tone" and fails miserably.

BeachBum said...

I'm in total agreement. The more I watch Haley, the worse he seems. He will fuck something up royally this weekend.

Clayton Bigsby said...

Haley, McCarthy, Reid, Caldwell, and Carrol. Talk about some crappy first round coaches.

c. said...

I'm super interested in this pocket coffee. If you find a direct supplier for major metropolitan areas, alert me post haste, if it's not too much trouble. Thanks.

BeachBum said...

c, you might be able to order them off Amazon, but they look expensive through them. Maybe the distributer has a site to order off?? Will keep looking and let you know.

BeachBum said...

Here, try this link. This is made by the Ferrero Chocolate company, but the US site doesn't offer them.


c. said...

On it!


Anonymous said...

so im one of your random anonymoous readers..yes you have them. i saw this website today and thought of your blog http://www.boston.com/news/source/2011/01/mega_millions_n.html?p1=News_links check it out!

BeachBum said...

That is great! And kind of eerie. If one of those winners goes missing after taking a flight from Sydney to LA, we'll know why.