Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Penis Power!

Most of my days wind down when I make the boys take baths and/or showers.  Ten year old takes care of himself although I'm a bit concerned he's turning into a metro.  He asked for Axe Body Wash for Christmas and has been using it regularly

Fine.  As long as he's clean and doesn't stink.  I've already convinced him he should be using deodorant (which he puts on every morning) because he may hit puberty any second now and I REFUSE to have the kid that gets nicknamed 'Smelly' by his classmates!

My younger one requires work.  He takes showers now (because big brother does), but he still doesn't have the concept of 'washing' down.  He thinks if he rinses off, that's enough.  I'm sure many of you reading this think the same.

His showers usually end up with  me bending into the stall to wash him down or in the shower with him.  I get soaked regardless.  If I get in there with him it limits the water all over the floor when we're done.  Why I feel I need to justify this to you in any way remains unclear.  He's my kid and I'll do what I want.  How's that?

Part of the joy of having boys (my joy, anyway) is the non stop questions regarding the penis, farts and women's boobs.  What is the plural of penis?  Penii?  Penises?  Neither sound right. 

Anyway, here are a collection of penis related quotes from my youngest during bath time. 

'Dad, look!  I can make it dance!'

While drying himself off the towel touches his penis while flowing to the floor. 'I have the biggest penis in the universe!'

When done with the towel:  'I'm hanging my huge penis up so I don't have to carry it around.  It's too heavy.'

While we're both drying off:  'Dad, how come you have a BIG HUGE penis (his hands stretch from his head to the floor) while I have a (voice rising in pitch) teeny tiny one?'

Note:  My penis is not huge by any stretch of the imagination and I had to explain that his would grow along with the rest of his body.  He seemed slightly mortified by that concept.  Even more so when I explained he would get hair, as well. 

'Why doesn't Mommy have a penis?  She just has a hairy boob down there.'  I couldn't correct him because I was laughing too hard. 

Lastly, what has become my new battle cry. 

Both boys have a habit of grabbing their clothes and dashing downstairs so they can streak through the house yelling 'IT'S NAKED BOY!'

Last weekend I asked them 'What is naked boy's super power?'  Youngest, without missing a beat, points his penis at me and says 'It's PENIS POWER' and makes the PSSSHHHHHH peeing sound. 

Nailed it. 

Penis power indeed!


Today's distraction:  Five things you didn't know (and probably didn't want to know) about the penis.  Safe for work, by the way.

4 comments:

kos said...

Fantastic!

Rob said...

These are the kinds of things that happen when my wife is traveling. My 10 and 8 year old sons are free to be raunchy and silly about all those topics. When my wife is around she doesn't allow it. Like you, I find it funny.

Clayton Bigsby said...

Haha, kids are funny.

Jum said...

Hahaha I wish my dad had a blog so I could hear about some of my playing with my penis stories. I'm not sure how that conversation would go if I asked him flat out.